Here I am, in another empty hotel room, by myself. It’s been almost a year since I was in this position, and even then I didn’t want to be there. I had finally found him, the jeevansaathi (JS), who I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Okie, so finally implies that I had been looking. Which I had not. I mean, I guess it was just too complicated – everything that was going on in my life – to really call it “looking.”

But that aside, it came to a point where it sucked to be away from him, and only be able to see him on weekends. That too, not very often, because of the parentals.  Then I changed roles at work, and found myself always home.  That allowed me kind of be able to live with him.  So I did, on a weekly basis – home on the weekends.  I did that for almost a year, with some weeks at home.

And then came a massive job change, and I’m back to traveling.  At least for now.  So I sit here, in this room, all by myself.

Funny thing is, I remember the first time I was in my own hotel room.  This was even before I got my old job.  It was during an interview for another one – I had to travel to the city the company was in.  I remember stepping into my room and feeling this complete sense of freedom.  No one to dictate my moves, my life – at least for the night.  Of course, at the time I had quite a few things that constrained me.  That’s a whole different story.

Yesterday, when I walked into this room, I felt this strange feeling of loneliness, this utterly weird feeling.  And maybe it’s just because I’m so used to not being alone, to being with him, or even being home.  I dunno.

It’s hard, being away.  But I’m hoping this will be a good thing.  For us, I mean.  I think we’ve hit a wall… We’re used to each other and not in a good way.  Granted, things never stay the same after the initial stages in a relationship, but we’ve only been in this less than 2 years.

I guess I’m new to this, even though my past relationship was pretty long-term.  It was just so… different.  I dunno.  We’ll see how it does.