I guess it wasn’t over then. I never realized it in my euphoria over the current events. And now, 2 years later, when the euphoria has worn off my relationship, perhaps reconnecting wasn’t a good idea. But I can’t help it.

God, how his words speak to me. A river of cool water rushes over and down my body, leaving goosebumps in its path, leaving me breathless, yearning to feel his touch.

Did I really write that? Yes. I did. It’s a train wreck. I can’t let go, but what will happen if I hold on? There can’t be anything on his side, or can there? That day, at the coffeeshop, I saw a glimpse. We touched the topic briefly, though it was like sticking your hand into a fire, feeling it burn.

And that’s what it feels like now. It’s pain and it’s pleasure. I know, logically, there are so many reasons that it would not work, not that I would ever try. I know that my current relationship (my fiance for goodness sake!) is probably the best, and I have never questioned it before.

I wonder though. I don’t think I question it even now. But I hold this mystery in my other hand, it glows and it burns. It seeks to be unraveled, like my clothes with his hands, his long fingers working their magic on my skin, leaving indelible prints.

I wonder, had it happened then, or even if it happened now (no! I shouldn’t think about it!), would it be the same fire? Is it just the thrill of the chase, or the haunting memories of a pleasure never felt that beckon me to him?